The Ghost of Myself
Writers - Tennant/Lowe
First released - 1999
Original album - Format
Producer - Pet Shop Boys
Subsequent albums - Nightlife 2017 reissue Further Listening 1996-2000 bonus disc
Other releases - bonus track with single "New York City Boy"; bonus disc with the U.S. "special edition" of Nightlife
Neil has described this song, originally released as a bonus track on the "New York City Boy" CD single, as a reflection on his own lifestyle before his Pet Shop Boys success and, more significantly, coming to terms with his homosexuality: "Looking back now, I can see the ghost of myself haunting me." He reminisces about his attempt at heterosexuality, living with a woman (his reading of the final line, recalling "getting it on" with her, is positively chilling), in a run-down apartment and socializing in the surrounding neighborhood. The song has also been described (on the official Format "microsite" posted at the time of the album's release) as "a musical snapshot in Chelsea in 1979" (Chelsea being the area of West London where Neil was living at that time). In short, it stands as one of the most blatantly autobiographical songs the Boys have ever recorded.
The music is performed at a near-march rhythm and tempo in an arrangement that owes, as other commentators have pointed out, a strong stylistic debt to Britney Spears's recent debut hit "… Baby One More Time." (Chris as much as concedes this in the Format booklet interview when he asks coyly, "Do you know 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' by Britney Spears? Shall we pause and play it?") It atmospherically sets up a mood, but what precisely that mood is proves hard to describe. It's certainly not nostalgia, but what is it? Is it regret and/or guilt at having used a woman that he obviously cared about in an attempt to overcome his gayness?
Intriguingly, Paul Rymer, a dedicated fan of David Sylvian and his band Japan, has pointed out that "The Ghost of Myself" appears also to owe a significant debt, in this case both stylistic and thematic, to the track "Ghosts" from Japan's 1981 album Tin Drum—which, incidentally, Neil has specifically denied. It's not inconceivable, however, that Neil (who has attested to the Pet Shop Boys being influenced by David Sylvian, specifically with regard to "King's Cross") may have unconsciously drawn upon a song associated with this particular period in his own life.
Annotations
- "And then the Café Picasso" – Café Picasso was a popular hangout on King's Road in London. In business for roughly fifty years, its heyday was during the "Swinging Sixties," but it closed in 2009.
- "rockabilly boys" – Punkish lads devoted to that blend of fifties-ish rock 'n' roll and country music commonly known as rockabilly, which enjoyed a London revival in the late 1970s—or at least guys who wore the quasi-fifties styles generally associated with the music.
- "Camera crews in Flood Street for the election" – Like King's Road, Flood Street is a thoroughfare of the Chelsea neighborhood of West London. Margaret Thatcher lived on Flood Street at the time of the 1979 election in which she became Prime Minister of the United Kingdom; hence the reference to "camera crews… for the election."
- "Mohicans, Sloanes, Clones" – A brief catalog of neighborhood fashions. Mohicans refers to the "Mohawk" haircut popular among punks. Sloanes (also known as "Sloane Rangers") is slang for young, fashionable, and generally upper-middle-class West Londoners. Clones describes guys who adhered to the stereotypically hypermasculine "clone look" (short hair, moustache, plaid shirt, jeans, etc.) commonly adopted by gay men from the mid-1970s to the mid-1980s (this writer himself among them). For the record, Neil has stated that he never much cared for the "clone look" among gay men of the period—or, for that matter, even really fathomed its appeal.
- "I went to the V&A" – The V&A is popular slang for the Victoria and Albert Museum, established in 1852 and today recognized as the world's largest museum devoted to the decorative arts and design, including textiles, ceramics, jewelry, and furniture. It's located in West London (or, depending on how you look at it or who's providing the info, the western part of Central London).
List cross-references
- Real people mentioned by name or title in PSB songs
- Real places mentioned by name in PSB songs
- PSB songs for which the Boys have acknowledged the influence of specific tracks by other artists
- What it's about: Neil's succinct statements on what a song is "about"
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